Sunday, July 5, 2015

Quiz: Is Dating Anxiety Keeping You Single?

Does dating anxiety prevent you from finding the love you crave?  Take the following assessment to find out:

Please indicate how much the following problems have bothered you during the past week.
0 = Not at all 1 = A little bit 2 = Somewhat 3 = Very much 4 = Extremely

1. I am afraid of people who I find attractive.

2. I am bothered by blushing in front of people who I find attractive .

3. I am scared of going on dates and attending social events where I might interact with people who I find attractive.


4. I avoid talking to strangers who I find attractive .

5. Being criticized by someone who I find attractive scares me a lot.

6. Fear of embarrassment causes me to avoid dating or speaking to people who I find attractive.


7. Sweating in front of people who I find attractive causes me distress.

8. I avoid dating and going to parties where I might interact with people who I find attractive.


9. I avoid dating or speaking to people who I find attractive because I don't want to be the center of attention.


10. I'm scared of talking to strangers who I find attractive.

11. I often can't think of anything to say when interacting with someone who I find attractive. 


12. I would do anything to avoid being criticized by someone who I find attractive.


13. Heart palpitations bother me when I am around people who I find attractive.


14. I am afraid of doing things when people who I find attractive might be watching.


15. Being embarrassed or looking stupid to people who I find attractive is among my worst fears.


16. Trembling or shaking in front of people who I find attractive is distressing me.


17. I use substances to manage the fear I feel when on a date or otherwise interacting with someone who I find attractive.


Very Severe
Less than 20
21 - 30
31 - 40
41 - 50
51 or more

If you scored anywhere between mild to very severe dating anxiety, know that you're not alone.  Dating anxiety is a subset of social anxiety disorder, which affects some 15 million American adults.  

Thankfully, dating anxiety is treatable.  I've helped hundreds of singles gain greater self-confidence and develop loving relationships.  

If you scored in the mild to moderate dating anxiety range, I recommend attending one of my upcoming groups or workshops and/or contacting me about individual therapy or dating coaching.  If you scored in the severe to very severe range, I recommend individual therapy prior to pursuing group work.

This Dating Anxiety Assessment draws from the Social Phobia Inventory (SPIN), a 17-item self-rating scale for social anxiety disorder (social phobia). Please note - your assessment results don't constitute a clinical diagnosis and are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

Resources (all accessed 7/5/15):


  1. Interesting quiz. However, I'd like to add something about why I'm sometimes not easy talking with females of interest. I don't want to come off as invasive, or one of those "creepers" who makes women uncomfortable. Perhaps there really is no solution for how others will interpret a person, as even the best interaction can produce a negative impression. And there will always be women who are hyper-sensitive and see the worst in a man's approach, no matter what he does, even if it's just a single comment. Would this "fear of accidentally harassing someone" be classified as social anxiety? Is so, what might be a cure for it?

    1. Hi Donald. What a wonderful question, and one that I hear often from my male clients. Dating anxiety is, put simply, fear of judgment/humiliation in dating situations, regardless of the reason for the fear.

      One of the most interesting things I've found in treating those with dating anxiety is the wide variety of underlying causes and presentations from one person to another. As a diagnosis and condition, dating anxiety is really no more than a description of a cluster of symptoms. It is in no way an explanation of how or why dating anxiety develops.

      All of this is to say that no matter why the anxiety manifests or what aspect of dating your fears tend to focus on, if you have a majority of the symptoms above, it's likely dating anxiety. My recommendations for treatment are thus the same, with one caveat -- I suggest finding a therapist who is comfortable and skilled in working with issues related to sexuality, masculine identity, and gender roles.

      Wishing you all the best in love and life!