Shame on You

In the experience of shame, one's whole being seems diminished or lessened. The expression of shame is not just the desire to hide, or to hide my face, but the desire to disappear, not to be there. It is not even the wish, as people say, to sink through the floor, but rather the wish that the space occupied by me should be instantaneously empty. -- Bernard Williams, British philosopher

Shame often stands at the heart of social anxiety, dating difficulties, and rocky relationships.  

Mental health experts and philosophers have long studied and attempted to explain the nature and impact of shame.  Many define it as a sense of being flawed and unworthy, feelings that easily sabotage intimacy.

Sound familiar? Got some shame on you?

Thankfully, there are a number of resources for dealing with shame.  A list of resources for dealing with shame follows.  If you find yourself needing extra support as you work through shame, I encourage you to make an appointment with a psychotherapist.

1. Shame: The Power of Caring by Gershen Kaufman
2. Letting Go of Shame by Ronald Potter-Effron 
3. www.healingshame.com - training for therapists plus a list of excellent resources
4. Soul Without Shame by Byron Brown
5. I Thought It was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough" by Brene Brown.  (Note: this book used to be called Women & Shame.)
6. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
7. Brene Brown also has a TED talk worth watching: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
8. Alice Miller's works
9. John Bradshaw's Healing the Shame that Binds You.  He often mentions other resources on shame in his lectures.  
10. Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh
11. Patrick Carnes' works
12. Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance
13. James Gilligan, Preventing Violence - his field is violence prevention but his whole career is based upon his theory of shame and death of the self.
14. Crime, Shame and Reintegration by John Braithwaite