Where to Meet Single Women

One of the questions I am asked most frequently by men who come to me for dating skills therapy is, “What are the best places for meeting single women?”

Great question. My answer: I don't know.

Okay, so maybe that's not entirely true. I do know of a number of great places for meeting women (swing dances, yoga workshops, kickball games, vegan cook-offs, etc.) 

 I suppose what I mean when I say, “I don't know” is:

1. There is no secret spot where all the single women gather. If there is, I haven't received the memo.
   
   
2. Where you go to meet women really depends on what you're looking for. Are you looking for a 20-something who loves Frisbee golf? Join a young person's Frisbee golf meetup. Looking for a middle-aged woman who loves to read? Join a book club. And no matter what you're looking for, singles events are great. They do the hard work of filtering out non-singles, and some even have (very) specific emphases (e.g. Bay Area Tall Singles Club, Dating 4 Gay Professionals, etc.).

Many single men feel as though they've tried everything but still haven't found their mate. Often these men are “nice guys” whose friends and family frequently exclaim, “I can't believe a great guy like you is still single!” These men may go out to bars, dances, even singles events with no success. After a while, they start to question whether there are any good women left. “If there are, they must not hang out at the places I go to.”

It's natural and understandable to feel hopeless and even resentful in this situation. Such feelings are important to acknowledge and honor (this is an aspect of emotional intelligence, which is integral to building healthy relationships).

That being said, if you continually feel like your dating life is hopeless because, “there are no good women out there” or “I just don't know where to go to meet women,” I challenge you to focus on what is in your power to change. Start asking yourself, “What's holding me back from making lasting connections with women?”

Answering this question takes courage. You must consider those habits and past hurts that may be preventing you from making connections with women. You may discover that you're deathly afraid of rejection. That you stop yourself from asking women out because, “Why would she be interested in me?” You may realize that there's something about your conversation skills that causes your conversation partners' eyes to glaze over. Or that an abusive past relationship has injured your ability to trust others.

All of these issues take time and energy to heal, but they can be transformed. The beauty of embarking on the path of self-improvement (and for those of you who immediately conjure up images of self-help books, patchouli, and overindulging in emotions when you hear the phrase “self-improvement,” I encourage you to question that reaction. Self-improvement, regardless of the vehicle, requires battling inner demons. This, in my opinion, is the ultimate test of manhood) is that it can lead not only to more romance but to a happier life. 

So where's the best place to meet single women?  On the other side of courageous self-exploration.

If you would like help exploring what might be holding you back in your dating life, please check out my workshops for single men or contact me to set up an individual session: jessicaengle@livingartscenter.org or 408-622-1000.