Teenagers are like cats: they sleep large portions of the day, lounge when awake (usually in your favorite spot), and skulk off into the shadows periodically to assert their independence. Food seems to be their favorite pastime and television screens have the power to mesmerize them for hours at a time.
When asked to finish their homework, teenagers often moan and argue, more interested in Facebook and video games than in the must-do's of life. Some teens spend so much time texting and hanging with their friends online and offline that they perform poorly in school. Their grades drop, they begin to have conflicts with teachers, and they seem apathetic about improving.
What can you do if you are a parent in this situation? How can you motivate a teenager and prepare him or her for the responsibilities of young adulthood?
Put Your Teen to Work
According to Becoming Adult: How Teenagers Prepare for the World of Work, teenagers who are happier, more motivated, and more optimistic about the future spend more time “working” than do less well-adjusted teens.
Author and psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi explains that productive activities such as classwork, homework, and paid work as well as active leisure activities such as sports or hobbies produce a state of flow, in which high levels of skill are balanced with high levels of challenge. Flow is associated with concentration, a feeling of strength, enjoyment, motivation, self-esteem, and a future-goal orientation.
Say What?
If teens report more enjoyment from productive activities, why do they often fight against things like homework?
According to Csikszentmihalyi, teens will usually say they don't like challenges. Research shows that despite these preferences, it is when adolescents are challenged to get the most from their skills that they truly get the most from experiences” (p. 112).
In other words, your teen likes work more than he or she is aware or is willing to say.
One reason teens may prefer more passive leisure activities such as watching TV or playing video games is that while work can produce flow, it can also produce anxiety. This happens when a teen's skills are insufficient to meet the challenge at hand. “By spending their free time in passive leisure activities, teenagers can avoid anxiety. Although these activities fail to produce enjoyable flow experiences and may result in apathy, they are relaxing and anxiety-free (p. 104).”
Manage Anxiety, Increase Motivation
From Csikszentmihalyi's research, we see that some teens lose motivation and overindulge in leisure activities because they experience high anxiety when faced with challenging activities. To encourage motivation, therefore, it is important to help a student manage anxiety.
Here are a few anxiety management strategies:
- Offer your teen extra help. Chances are your teen feels anxious when s/he doesn't have the skills needed to tackle a problem. If your teen is struggling in Calculus, help him with his homework or find a good tutor. If your daughter is having a hard time keeping up in track, help her train by running with her on off days. The more able s/he feels, the less anxiety s/he'll have.
- You can also encourage your teen to opt for an easier task. Is his new job as manager of a busy fast food restaurant making him miserable? Perhaps it's time to step back down to assistant manager. Is she contemplating taking AP Spanish after struggling all year in a standard Spanish class? Considering her interest in science, it may be wise to suggest she take AP Physics instead. Understand that the image of a successful teen – all AP courses, straight A's, copious extracurricular activities – may not fit your teen's needs.
- There are countless anxiety reduction techniques that you can teach your teen, including deep breathing, meditation, and yoga.
- Drama therapy, which allows teens to practice new skills with a therapist who can help regulate their anxiety, is also a great way to reduce anxiety and get into flow states more frequently.
If you're interested in helping your teen increase his or motivation through drama therapy, please check out my Motivation Summer Intensive for Teens. I am also available for one-on-one drama therapy; to contact me, please call 408-622-1000 or email jessicaengle@livingartscenter.org.
References
Csikszentmihalyi, M. & Schneider, B. (2001). Becoming Adult: How Teenagers Prepare For The World Of Work. Basic Books
MedicineNet.com. “Stress Management Techniques.” <http://www.medicinenet.com/stress_management_techniques/page3.htm>
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